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Thursday, March 13, 2008
10:18 PM

Acceptance. Wasn't till the release of the 'A' level results that i really grasped the true nature of this term.

More than just acknowledging a fact, it's about dealing with it as it haunts you constantly. First time ever that i had to grapple with a disappointment of such magnitude. Not during PSLE, not during the 'O's but at this important juncture of life. Am i a fool to actually slog my guts out for the past 10 years only to squander it off in less than 2 years?

These stupid questions haunted me, yes. HAUNTED. Having this word appearing three times in that same number of paragraphs just emphasizes my point. Imagine having visions of how people scorn you and despise you every night to sleep and waking up to the same nightmares the next morning. Life is really more complicated than it should be.

Foolish notions crossed my mind. Should i just give up on church since He departed? Must i now settle for anything that comes my way? Wherein lies my value of existence now? Feels like i've become an overnight liability to my parents, giving them the unnecessary stress that you could have done without at this age. A blight to my girlfriend in future. A shame to my own self. I sunk deeper and deeper.

Slowly, TIME worked its magic. I started accepting things as they were and understood that any whining or depression won't change those grades on the results slip. Started picking up the pieces and it wasn't easy but baby did all she could(not a very good counselor though :)) ).

Now, it's come to the time to hope for the best but prepare for the worst. I'm gonna do everything in my capacity, to the best of my ability just to enter accountancy damnit.

It ain't easy, but at least i tried.

chokehold